Looking for a Good Man, Nanoo-Nanoo

Lately life has been a little, well, lonely here in Belgium.

Against my better judgment, I posted an ad on a website whose audience is mostly expatriats. Faced with a white page and not knowing anything about writing a proper personal ad, I began the process of write-review-delete-curse-rewrite-review-curse-delete, repeat... And then I realized a simple truth. We're all responsible for asking for what we want to receive. And so I posted the following ad:

I'm looking for a really great guy.

I'm interested in meeting someone I can be proud to be with -- you are sincere, honest, have self respect and a balance of self confidence and humility and you expect no less from your partner.

If this ad doesn't apply to you, please don't respond to it... but maybe you have a friend who everyone agrees is a great guy. Please give him my email address. He's the man I want to meet.

Please tell him I'm 39, pretty, funny, non-competitive (except when playing Scrabble), and that when we're together he'll smile a lot and he'll know that he has got a really great woman.

Ok, I know, I know, that last sentence sucks a bit and it's weird to call yourself pretty, but I threw those in anyway.

Given the responses I've received, it's clear that my ad superefficiently screens out all of the really great guys. It's a real toss up, but I think that this was my favorite response:

In first instance, let me tell you that I am 40, 187 cm high, 90 kg, Dark blond hair and green eyes. I do like to have a serious chat from time to time, but also a good laugh is more than welcome. So, I am looking to meet someone to have fun with.... no strings attached... just have good times with a soulmate....

Hmmmm... as much as I'd really like to invest in having no-strings-attached chats with my soulmate, I think I'll pass. Did you even read my ad?

A close contender for most depressing response was this:

I'm looking for real relationship if you like lets chat " would like to see your
pic as well thank you.

Oh, by the way, Ork called. Mork's pissed and wants his suspenders back.