Thursday, August 24, 2006

Humour of any kind will NOT be tolerated
or "rule #9023438: Acting Canadian is punishable by instant demoralization"

First of all, I need to preface this by saying that this was all my fault. I know that. I should have known better. It won't happen again.

My department was about to publish a policy with, shall we say, a non-trivial security gap in it. This yellow-eyed new policy has been creeping closer and closer to the front door just waiting to be released into the courtyard to be discovered by some devious soul who recognizes the power it wields. It's part of my role to identify these things and help prevent them.

Last night, thinking that it would be nice to write a non-boring email for a change, I chose a less conventional format for my concerns. Specifically I structured them in a well-written, plausible but fictional dialogue between my boss and another person involved in the policy. The style I chose for this dialogue, obviously, was 2-part radio dramatic-comedy. The premise involved these two people walking along the process flowchart via the precise path that ultimately led to their discovering the Very Dangerous Policy. In my dialogue, they discovered it, quickly executed an elegant course correction, and saved the organization from ending up at the same conclusion. They were heros. I will say that I liked this format because it made it very clear that the outcome had potential to occur and that it could also be avoided. I also concluded it with a summary of the issue and a solid recommendation (author's note: please quickly conclude weak attempt to establish credibility as a creative-but-sensible non-wacko) .

For anyone thinking 'hey, that's kind of a clever way to get your boss' attention' -- unless you are having that specific thought while sitting on your puffy pillow at your tiara-shaped desk at your job where you work as a chihuahua petter for Paris Hilton, let me save you some pain. It's not a clever idea. It is a bad idea. Read this slowly: A Very. Bad. Idea. And, if you happen to work in the technology sector, with Belgians -- in Belgium -- it's considered psychotic.

I received the following email response from my boss:

:-(
If you have this kind of time, I would rather you use it to complete the R&R Matrix.

Not cool. Did you notice that he used the unhappy face? That is the Belgian equivolent of "STRIKE-ONE!!"

So, you're probably wondering what I did in response to this. You're probably thinking it's one of 3 things: a) Sent him a note of apology, b) Did nothing in the hopes the matter will be forgotten, or c) sent a note saying that I had written the email on my own time and that a better use of my time in future will be to do yoga or cook a nice dinner.

You guessed it. It's 'c'. Oh yeah. I'm incapable of learning.

I'm also starting to suspect that Belgium might not be the most perfect fit for my personality.
:-(

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