Cultural Differences
or "How to say nice things to Belgians so they won't think you're talking crap".
Yesterday I attended a corporate training session on the topic of "Professional Development Planning" that was facilitated by an HR professional from the States. He was great -- he did all the things a good corporate training facilitator should do to keep his audience engaged. He had it all -- the modulated, encouraging tone, the loud funky music, the canvas bag of primary colored foam balls and an agenda choc full of time-boxed small-group activities. If this is sounding like your version of Dante's 4th circle of hell (note to self: must actually get around to reading The Inferno before quoting it too many more times so as not too become tiresome bore), I assure you that it was a refreshingly good session. The potential for poofy-fluff-fluff was there... but the session had real substance.
I won't go on and on about how good it was. But it was good.
My absolute favorite moment was when our facilitator shared an idea for providing regular feedback to our direct reports. "It is scientifically proven" he started with a grin and a brief pause, "scien-tifically proven that if you stop whatever you are doing every Friday at exactly 9:42am and take a moment to write down one or two things about the way the people who report to you do their job that you'll be a better Manager". He continued "And if at some point ever Friday you take a minute or two to acknowledge something your employee has done in the past week, you will end your employee's week on kind of a high note that won't have cost you as a Manager anything".
The North Americans in the room generally nodded at this. I was sitting there thinking "hmm, not a bad idea. I'll think about that" when I noticed that the Belgians were looking rather concerned. And then one of the Belgian women, a corporate lawyer, said the most enlightening thing. She said "this may be a cultural difference, but if you are going to tell your Belgian employees about some good things they did, you should also tell them that they did some things badly". At this point, the North Americans started to look a bit concerned and confused. Having the room's full attention, she concluded with perfect Belgian logic "otherwise they won't believe you were sincere about the good things".
This explains so much.
Since I arrived here, I've been pretty challenged by the rapport in my team. Quite often, believing that good work should be rewarded -- and that compliments are rewards -- I will commend a colleague when they do something particularly well, or I will thank them for helping me with a request I've made. Nothing mushy, just a bit of a 'good job'. Very often I've been met with a confused look and an awkward "well yes, fine. But that is my job" (note: Belgians don't speak with contractions much). I just thought that Belgians were naturally humble people -- that they appreciate the compliment, but are a little shy about receiving it. So after the training, I asked a Belgian colleague of mine about it. He paused a moment before answering, then looked me straight in the eye and confirmed that I've been totally wrong. They dislike the compliment. They distrust the compliment. "Belgians", he said, "are highly suspicious of people who say unsolicited nice things". And then he looked at his wristwatch and said "I must go now" and left me standing there with my mouth hanging open.
So basically, every time I open my Canadian mouth, Belgians think I'm talking shit.
It all makes sense now... the unofficial no eye-contact-in-the-hallway rule, the no-smiling-at-or- saying-good-morning-to-people-in-elevators rule... the sense I get when I inquire if someone enjoyed their weekend that it's as if I've just asked if their teenage daughter is on birth control yet... it's finally clear: In Belgium, exhibiting typically Canadian friendliness is equivolent to being insincere and it upsets Belgian people.
How weird. But also how liberating! WooHoo!! Tomorrow I get to practice being... hell, I don't even know what... bossy? sullen? DEMANDING! I can be DEMANDING!!! I don't know even where to start, but I definitely cannot wait to get to work tomorrow.
or "How to say nice things to Belgians so they won't think you're talking crap".
Yesterday I attended a corporate training session on the topic of "Professional Development Planning" that was facilitated by an HR professional from the States. He was great -- he did all the things a good corporate training facilitator should do to keep his audience engaged. He had it all -- the modulated, encouraging tone, the loud funky music, the canvas bag of primary colored foam balls and an agenda choc full of time-boxed small-group activities. If this is sounding like your version of Dante's 4th circle of hell (note to self: must actually get around to reading The Inferno before quoting it too many more times so as not too become tiresome bore), I assure you that it was a refreshingly good session. The potential for poofy-fluff-fluff was there... but the session had real substance.
I won't go on and on about how good it was. But it was good.
My absolute favorite moment was when our facilitator shared an idea for providing regular feedback to our direct reports. "It is scientifically proven" he started with a grin and a brief pause, "scien-tifically proven that if you stop whatever you are doing every Friday at exactly 9:42am and take a moment to write down one or two things about the way the people who report to you do their job that you'll be a better Manager". He continued "And if at some point ever Friday you take a minute or two to acknowledge something your employee has done in the past week, you will end your employee's week on kind of a high note that won't have cost you as a Manager anything".
The North Americans in the room generally nodded at this. I was sitting there thinking "hmm, not a bad idea. I'll think about that" when I noticed that the Belgians were looking rather concerned. And then one of the Belgian women, a corporate lawyer, said the most enlightening thing. She said "this may be a cultural difference, but if you are going to tell your Belgian employees about some good things they did, you should also tell them that they did some things badly". At this point, the North Americans started to look a bit concerned and confused. Having the room's full attention, she concluded with perfect Belgian logic "otherwise they won't believe you were sincere about the good things".
This explains so much.
Since I arrived here, I've been pretty challenged by the rapport in my team. Quite often, believing that good work should be rewarded -- and that compliments are rewards -- I will commend a colleague when they do something particularly well, or I will thank them for helping me with a request I've made. Nothing mushy, just a bit of a 'good job'. Very often I've been met with a confused look and an awkward "well yes, fine. But that is my job" (note: Belgians don't speak with contractions much). I just thought that Belgians were naturally humble people -- that they appreciate the compliment, but are a little shy about receiving it. So after the training, I asked a Belgian colleague of mine about it. He paused a moment before answering, then looked me straight in the eye and confirmed that I've been totally wrong. They dislike the compliment. They distrust the compliment. "Belgians", he said, "are highly suspicious of people who say unsolicited nice things". And then he looked at his wristwatch and said "I must go now" and left me standing there with my mouth hanging open.
So basically, every time I open my Canadian mouth, Belgians think I'm talking shit.
It all makes sense now... the unofficial no eye-contact-in-the-hallway rule, the no-smiling-at-or- saying-good-morning-to-people-in-elevators rule... the sense I get when I inquire if someone enjoyed their weekend that it's as if I've just asked if their teenage daughter is on birth control yet... it's finally clear: In Belgium, exhibiting typically Canadian friendliness is equivolent to being insincere and it upsets Belgian people.
How weird. But also how liberating! WooHoo!! Tomorrow I get to practice being... hell, I don't even know what... bossy? sullen? DEMANDING! I can be DEMANDING!!! I don't know even where to start, but I definitely cannot wait to get to work tomorrow.
posted by Penless Artist at 10:13 p.m.
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